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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A personal note

It's been a very very hard week and it's only Tuesday.  One of my personal cats, Bailey - my wonderful boy with the loudest purr motor and tiniest squeak of a meow - has been battling cancer for a while now.  But he had been doing fine.  He'd have really great days and not so great days but didn't seem to have any bad days.  Until this weekend.  And it was really bad yesterday (Monday).  He had an appointment at the vet this evening but I called yesterday and Dr. Jon was able to see him on very short notice.  It was time to make the hard decision.  The decision that even when you know it's time and it's the right thing to do, is still a gut wrenching decision.  Dr. Jon ended Bailey's suffering yesterday at 2:40 PM.  It had to be Dr. Jon, I really like the other vets, but Dr. Jon is the kindest vet and I couldn't let anyone else put Bailey to sleep. 

My heart is broken and it feels like it will never be whole again.  I know I'm in the rescue "business" and my heart gets broken a lot when we lose a cat.  But this was my Bailey so I feel my heart is broken in a different way.  Like complete broken.  Not mendable.  Although I know someday it will mend. 

This is the boy I had way back when I lived in a condo where I wasn't supposed to have pets but he needed me.  And I loved him so much.  The second night I had  him, he door darted out the condo door so I spent the night in the woods looking for him and calling for him.  I could hear him in the woods but there was a ravine so I eventually put down a blanket and sat on the blanket and talked to him all night.  Talk about covered in mosquito bites the next day and come time to get ready for work, he still hadn't come in but I could see him and hear him so - yep - I called out of work that day.  Finally got him around noon. 

Three weeks later, we braved a flood together as after a weekend of solid rain, the creek had risen and the parking lot was flooded (fortunately, I had moved my car to the mall across the road earlier but didn't think it would come into the condo) and after trying to catch Bailey for 30 minutes, the water was coming into the condo.  Fancy was already in a carrier but since I only had him a few weeks, I hadn't yet bought another carrier (I was on a really tight budget,  hadn't expected him and had to pay for vetting after I got him).  So, I stuffed my purse, a change of clothes, toothbrush, and Bailey into a small duffle bag.  As I opened the condo door, the water was about knee high.  When I made it to the parking lot to get out of there, the water was waist high and I held the two cats over my head as the rushing water pushed us around but we made it to the car and then to my mom's house.  The next morning my mom came home from work (she was a nurse) and looked in the room where I was sleeping and started laughing because Bailey was a kitty of many expressions and most of them would make you laugh.  He was like a kitty comedian with his facial expressions. 

Bailey and I had a lot of good times together.  He purred so loud that on those rare times that I got to watch television, he'd be behind me on the back of the chair or sofa purring and I'd have to turn the volume on the TV up at least 4 notches so I could hear.  That's how loud he purred.

Bailey snuggled with me at  night.  He slept by my head with my arm around him.  And if I turned over in the middle of the night, he got up and walked to the other side of the bed so I always faced him.

He was there when my friend Debbie and I rescued (before Alley Cats, did independent rescue at the time) our first set of orphan kittens.  Bailey would wash them.  And as they got older, Bailey showed them how to scale the baby gate and make the great escape out of the kitten room.

I'm sorry for rambling.  I just miss him so much and it's only been a short time.

I am fortunate that when Elizabeth Ruffing came over last fall and took pictures of the W kitties, she also took some pictures of Bailey.  He was doing really well then and she sent me the pictures yesterday.  I'm so happy to have them as I don't own a decent camera and didn't have any recent pictures of him.

I love you Bailey.  I miss you Bailey.  But I am so glad you are free from pain.  RIP my boobear.


Judy said...

My condolences on your loss. I understand your heart ache. We love all our cats but there will be one who is our heart cat. And clearly, Bailey was yours. I'm so sorry.

Ms. Intolerant said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicky T said...

So sorry for your loss, Tia. We always want our fur babies with us forever, but when the time comes to say good bye it seems harder than losing our human family. I'm sure Bailey is running around pain free with all our lovely felines we have had to say goodbye to.

Admiral Hestorb said...

My dear dear friend. I feel your pain almost as acutely as you do having lost my precious loved little fur soul mate. Nothing and no one will ever take their place and we will always and ever hold them in our hearts. They deserve that love from us for their love for us in return was as pure and perfect as a new day.

I send you big warm hugs and though I have a new little one in my home a month after Admiral's passing, Admiral is still in my mind and heart and she always will be. So will your Bailey be in your heart and mind.

Deepest condolences.

Katie--- who is using Admiral's blog for a while.

Random Felines said...

We are so sorry.....there is just never anything easy about letting them go - even if it IS time. Bailey was a very handsome mancat and we know he holds a special place in your heart.... we are sending purrs and kisses

Cats of Wildcat Woods said...

Thank you for sharing all these wonderful stories about Bailey. We send you lots of love and healing thoughts in your loss.

Marg said...

WE are so sorry about Bailey. We just lost our BB and it broke Mom's heart too. We get so darned attached to these animals but they are our best friends, that is for sure. We sure do send you tons of hugs and purrs. Just remember all the good times you had with Bailey. Write about him and tell us more about him. Take care.

Jan's Funny Farm said...

We're so sorry for the loss of your Bailey. He was a handsome guy. Thankfully, despite the pain of losing them, they leave us with such happy memories.

The Lee County Clowder said...

Sending mournfull purrrrrrrss and gentle headbutttss to his Mom & the whole family. We never noo Baily, but it is clear he was well and deeply loved.


Brian said...

My sisters and I are so very, very sorry to hear about your sweet Bailey. We all send you many purrs and hugs.

Mark's Mews (Ayla, Iza, and Marley) said...

There are cats you miss, and there are cats who leave holes in your heart. But those are also the best cats.

There are few times when anyone can really say "I know what you are feeling". This is one of those times.

I have 3 wonderful cats who love each other and love me. But I still cry some nights for Skeeter, 3 years gone... I know that pain.

When we humans are very very lucky, there is a very special cat in our lives. I am sorry you lost yours...


Fuzzy Tales said...

We saw this posted on the Cat Blogosphere and came to say how sorry we are that Bailey has passed. We know he will be with you, in your heart, always.

Soft purrs and kitty kisses.

-Nicki, Derry, angels Annie and Chumley and mom Kim

Kat's Kats said...

May the memories of love outweigh the grief of loss. We are sending you a virtual card from our shop.

Purrs & prayers
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde & Their Feeders

Bellen said...

Please accept my condolences. I have a cat I feel about very much as you do about Bailey. The description of him making sure he was on the side you faced in bed reminds me of my Tungsten. She is still with me, but it hurts every time I think that some day she may not be. Please take care.

The Island Cats said...

We are so sorry to hear about Bailey. We send you comforting purrs to help ease your sadness.

Rene said...

Our condolences on the loss of Bailey. It's so hard to lose a cat with such a big personality like that. We are sending gentle purrs from our house to yours.

ArtemisiaFSS said...

We are so very sorry that Bailey had to go to the Rainbow Bridge. Purrs of Sympathy

Cats of Wildcat Woods said...

We wanted you to know that there is a pic honoring Bailey's passing on Cat Blogosphere and our blog - do pick it up if you want one. Sending warm purrs to you all.

Susan Greene said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Bailey. We love them all, but there are some that are special, that have been friends and partners. I'm so glad you had him in your life, and that he had you.

Ikaika said...

We are so sorry that your sweet Bailey had to leave you. He sounds like such a wonderful boy. It is so hard to lose a heart cat, and we guess Bailey was yours. Gentle purrs from and comforting thoughts from us.

'Kaika and his mom

Cats~Goats~Quotes said...

We are so very sorry for your loss. Precious Bailey is in the arms of Angles now, safe and free of pain.
Gentle Head-bonks to you..
~ Jasmine and The Bunch and Mom Bobbie

Junior, Orion and Sammy said...

We are sending our bested purrs to help you heal from your loss. You gave Bailey a wonderful life and in the end you gave him another wonderful gift by letting him go. We know you will see him again.

Meowm Rhonda, Junior, Orion and Sammy

Old Kitty said...

Me and my cat Charlie came over from AFSS's blog. We are truly sorry to hear of special and most wonderful angel Bailey. We are sending you lots of purrs and hugs, take care

meowmeowmans said...

Oh Tia, I don't know how I missed this post, and I apologize that I'm just now leaving you my condolences. Thank you for loving Bailey so much, and so well. Purrs and hugs to you always, but especially now.

maggie @ Shelter Cats said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope writing about your boy helped you a little bit and that the memories will bring you some solace.
"No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat", and Bailey sounds like one of the best.

shorty said...

I am so very sorry about your loss of Bailey He sounds like a wonderful kitty.
Don't ever apologize for telling what you have in your heart & all your memories of your beautiful furbaby, Bailey.
Losing is so very hard, I lost Danny [July25-cancer] Sheila [Oct31-kidney] Scoot [Nov3-cancer]. There is still a whole big chunk missing in my heart.
I have their photos around me & I talk to them still & tell them I love them.
They are never far from me that way.