A personal note

It's been a very very hard week and it's only Tuesday.  One of my personal cats, Bailey - my wonderful boy with the loudest purr motor and tiniest squeak of a meow - has been battling cancer for a while now.  But he had been doing fine.  He'd have really great days and not so great days but didn't seem to have any bad days.  Until this weekend.  And it was really bad yesterday (Monday).  He had an appointment at the vet this evening but I called yesterday and Dr. Jon was able to see him on very short notice.  It was time to make the hard decision.  The decision that even when you know it's time and it's the right thing to do, is still a gut wrenching decision.  Dr. Jon ended Bailey's suffering yesterday at 2:40 PM.  It had to be Dr. Jon, I really like the other vets, but Dr. Jon is the kindest vet and I couldn't let anyone else put Bailey to sleep. 

My heart is broken and it feels like it will never be whole again.  I know I'm in the rescue "business" and my heart gets broken a lot when we lose a cat.  But this was my Bailey so I feel my heart is broken in a different way.  Like complete broken.  Not mendable.  Although I know someday it will mend. 

This is the boy I had way back when I lived in a condo where I wasn't supposed to have pets but he needed me.  And I loved him so much.  The second night I had  him, he door darted out the condo door so I spent the night in the woods looking for him and calling for him.  I could hear him in the woods but there was a ravine so I eventually put down a blanket and sat on the blanket and talked to him all night.  Talk about covered in mosquito bites the next day and come time to get ready for work, he still hadn't come in but I could see him and hear him so - yep - I called out of work that day.  Finally got him around noon. 

Three weeks later, we braved a flood together as after a weekend of solid rain, the creek had risen and the parking lot was flooded (fortunately, I had moved my car to the mall across the road earlier but didn't think it would come into the condo) and after trying to catch Bailey for 30 minutes, the water was coming into the condo.  Fancy was already in a carrier but since I only had him a few weeks, I hadn't yet bought another carrier (I was on a really tight budget,  hadn't expected him and had to pay for vetting after I got him).  So, I stuffed my purse, a change of clothes, toothbrush, and Bailey into a small duffle bag.  As I opened the condo door, the water was about knee high.  When I made it to the parking lot to get out of there, the water was waist high and I held the two cats over my head as the rushing water pushed us around but we made it to the car and then to my mom's house.  The next morning my mom came home from work (she was a nurse) and looked in the room where I was sleeping and started laughing because Bailey was a kitty of many expressions and most of them would make you laugh.  He was like a kitty comedian with his facial expressions. 

Bailey and I had a lot of good times together.  He purred so loud that on those rare times that I got to watch television, he'd be behind me on the back of the chair or sofa purring and I'd have to turn the volume on the TV up at least 4 notches so I could hear.  That's how loud he purred.

Bailey snuggled with me at  night.  He slept by my head with my arm around him.  And if I turned over in the middle of the night, he got up and walked to the other side of the bed so I always faced him.

He was there when my friend Debbie and I rescued (before Alley Cats, did independent rescue at the time) our first set of orphan kittens.  Bailey would wash them.  And as they got older, Bailey showed them how to scale the baby gate and make the great escape out of the kitten room.

I'm sorry for rambling.  I just miss him so much and it's only been a short time.

I am fortunate that when Elizabeth Ruffing came over last fall and took pictures of the W kitties, she also took some pictures of Bailey.  He was doing really well then and she sent me the pictures yesterday.  I'm so happy to have them as I don't own a decent camera and didn't have any recent pictures of him.

I love you Bailey.  I miss you Bailey.  But I am so glad you are free from pain.  RIP my boobear.